Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear

Tuesday, July 10th, 2012

Hello to all enormous Norton anthologies of English literature, crows cawing from trees, and hamsters in hamster wheels.

To me, the ‘OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR’ message that you see on most or every car mirror has always seemed needlessly cryptic. I have to sit down with a clear mind if I even want to understand what it means. So okay, let me get this straight… these objects, these things I see in this mirror, they are closer than they appear. So that means when they’re not in the mirror, they’re farther than they appear? No, no… wait a second…

I believe it means that things you see in the mirror are closer than they actually are. But who has time to figure that out when it’s worded that way? Like, okay, you’re driving down a dark highway out in the country somewhere, and an enormous eighteen wheeler is zooming up behind you. You check the mirror, thinking, ‘Doesn’t it say something important on the mirror?’ and in the oncoming light of the truck’s headlights you read the message, and while you’re trying to work out what it means… CRASH-BOOOOM!

Turns out the object in the mirror was much closer than it appeared.

Why can’t they just say, ‘THINGS IN THE MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY LOOK.’ Why does it have to be poetic and complicated? Did they get John Milton to write that? Hey, Milton, can you write us a message for the car mirrors? And Milton says, ‘Sure thing!’ And then it turns into a poem that goes on for dozens of pages. They couldn’t fit the whole poem on the mirror so they just took the important part, which was ‘Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear.’

I don’t know if the car companies realizes this rhymes and is strangely difficult to understand.

In other news. Sorry for the long blog-strike. Except it wasn’t really a strike. Well, you can picture it like a strike if you want to, that’s more fun, with all the keys on my keyboard walking around with little signs and demanding to be treated more fairly. Because honestly, I work them pretty hard, with all the stories and blogging and so on. But don’t any of you get any ideas. Yes, I’m looking at you, comma key.

In other news, I’ve been biking and playing guitar and fooling around on a website where people upload stories. (I have an account; if you’re at all interested I’m called SweeperOfChimneys and I’m on FictionPress.) I like sneering at all the junk people put up there and thinking, ‘He he, I write better than you.’

I’ve been reading a lot lately, too– I just got through Blood Red Road by Moira Young, which is a Hunger Games rehash with an evil king and a girl with a pet crow and stuff. It was all right. I also finished A Midsummer Night’s Dream, which I highly recommend. Shakespeare is unbearable in school but on your own it’s pretty neat. And hm, what else have I been up to? It’s so hard to dredge out anything exciting to write about. I went to Harvey’s the other day. Had a veggie burger and some onion wrings. It was good.

I can’t wait for Cassandra Clare’s new book to come out. I’ve lost faith in the modern-day series, which is chock-full of gushiness, but the other one is really cool. I want the Advance Reader’s copy and I may just have to bribe the ladies at the local bookstore to read it when they get it. Last time I asked to read the early copy of a book I wanted and they said someone else was reading it… but maybe a couple bucks’ll change that this time.

I wish I had more to say. I never do. My friends will groan when they know that I can open up the three respective Kane Chronicles books at the Anubis scenes like, without having to search through it any. And this gushy scene is here… and THIS gushy scene is here…

Have a good week, my friend Blog-Reader! May the force be with you, but not too with you, because then you might turn mad with power and use it for evil. ~Onceabasementdog

 

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