You’re Welcome, Kenneth Oppel

Sunday, September 2nd, 2012

Hello to all baskets of painted fruit, evil butterflies, dogs in swimming pools and dragon worshippers in San Francisco. 

I recently finished reading the second book in a series by the Canadian author Kenneth Oppel, which is… basically… about Doctor Frankenstein when he was a kid… and evil butterflies… and stuff. I liked the first book quite a bit more than the second one, though I did find things I loved in the second one, too. For instance: the evil butterflies. For another: the horrifying demon that tried to eat everyone at the end. And the sort-of evil, somewhat off his nut hero. Fun. 

It maybe sounds like I didn’t like it, but that’s not true. I really liked it. It’s just, I don’t know… it might’ve been a bit better. I kept rolling my eyes every time the demon roared in the distance and I almost hit my head against the wall when the mysterious ‘mist’ outside the house in the spirit world entered and killed the demon for them, like, poof ka-bam.

Anyway, now I have another year to wait for the third book, which I’m sure is inevitably coming. In the next one, our twisted hero will probably do something crazy again. You’ve gotta love Victor Frankenstein, am I right? History’s least accomplished, most possessed by evil forces mad scientist. I love Kenneth Oppel, and everything he writes is great (no matter how many evil butterflies there are) so I’m sure I’ll enjoy the next book, too. But… 

And then I had this great idea. I would write the third book FOR him. 

Oh, yes. I’m not kidding– I’m three pages in! So far: a mysterious message in a bottle that no one knows how to decode. Cool right? And I picked up on the last bit of the second book, where the evil, power-crazed hero sees a bolt of lightning and he thinks, WOW, SUCH ASTONISHING POWER! So I have the suspicion he’s going to be harnessing the power of lightning sometime soon. Therefore: what’s going to happen in my version of the third book in the series is, Doctor Frankenstein is going to be led to this weird guy who is trying to figure out how lightning works, and he’s going to learn from him and use it as a possible way to bring his dead brother back to life (which is the main theme of the last book, since his brother died and, I assume, will ultimately become Frankenstein’s monster.) 


So. Now I just have to let Kenneth Oppel know that I’ve got his third book covered, and it’s all good. 

I’ve noticed a trend in Kenneth Oppel’s books. In each of his three series, the first book is by far the best, the second is not as good, and the third is worse. So, if trends follow, the third book in this series will be the worst, too. As mean as it might sound, he really should just let ME write it. 

Adding to this topic, I loathe imagining how terrible the movie based on the first book, This Dark Endeavour, will be. Doubtless they’ll turn it into some kind of twisted romance, (because it does feature romance) and all the lovely horror and monsters and stuff will be put into the background. I hope the front of the actor’s head is as nice as the back of his head looks on the covers of the books. Seriously; I have yet to see his actual face. Well, if they’re hiding him for as long as possible because he’s horrendously ugly, at least the teenage girls won’t make a team out of him. God forbid that should happen. 

Anyway… and uh… about those American politics. Boring, aren’t they?

Okay, I can’t do it. I can’t write about serious things. Forget it! 

Yours truly, (gah! An evil butterfly landed on me and is sucking my life energy out to bring to its demon lord!), ~Onceabasementdog. 



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