Archive for November, 2012

The Terrible Teen Section

Friday, November 23rd, 2012

Hello to all USB sticks sitting in places where I’ll definitely forget about them, dogs on airplanes, and solar-powered monkeys.

Ah! It’s almost winter again! Don’t you just love winter? What with the holidays and the snow and the ice and the darkness and the NEVER-ENDING FRIGIDITY–

Never mind. I hate Onceabasementdogville. I want to live in a volcano or something. I bet it would be nice and warm THERE.

So, I like libraries. I do. I think I like them because they’re quiet, and familiar, and they always smell like books. (Well, that’s a surprise.) There’s a library pretty close to my house, and I bike there sometimes to peruse the various sections that I find an interest in. Usually I end up gazing blankly at the teen section, trying to decide which book I should take out, My Love Is A Beautiful Vampire, or The Day Everyone Turned Into Robots, solely on the basis of which one looks less horrible. Because, see, the teen section at my public library is an actual hell of paper and ink. I’ve only taken out maybe three good books from that wall of blatant torture, and they weren’t even fantastic or anything. I don’t know why the teen section has to be so horrible, it just is. I still have suspicions about the librarian hiding all the good books from me when I drop by.

Anyway, a while back I took these pictures of some books from the Terrible Teen Section. Assuming they don’t burn out your eyes the minute you look at them, I think you’ll be able to examine them and understand why exactly my faith in literature and human kind in general is plummeting:

Oh, but this is just a taste of the many horrors of the Terrible Teen Section, my dear Blog-Reader!

I almost have no words for this one. But I’ll try. So, you’ve got this invisible boyfriend. And you know, it causes all sorts of complications, I assume. I mean, all the other girls can SEE their boyfriends! But she can’t! Oh my God it’s so awkward!

Next one. It’s almost worse… somehow.

But what does that even MEAN? Is she more real than your average Joe? Or what? I can tell you one thing, though, with absolute honesty:

This is the best title I’ve ever seen.

Now, here’s the last one. Brace yourself…

Audrey, wait!
What? Why? What’s HAPPENING to her?

So, there you have it. If that doesn’t convince you modern teen books are spiralling (apparently literally) into absurdity, I don’t know what will.

Yours semi-truly, only when I’m not making fun of things, (and that’s never), ~Onceabasementdog

Ahhh, Fridays and Free Trials

Friday, November 2nd, 2012

Hello to all rocks sitting in puddles, leaves, wonderful, wonderful free music, and letters on pages.

Today I have discovered the eighth wonder of the world, known as ‘Rdio’. It’s like a way, way better version of iTunes, where all the music is FREE. I swear to God! It is! I’m not being paid to tell lies! I stumbled on it and it was like, come see all our free music! And I was like, No way, man. And it was like, No seriously! So I signed up for a free trial, and now I’m listening to awesome music and feeling very, very happy.

Ahh, free trials. Love them.

So it’s a Friday. I like Fridays. Just because they stand for the end of a week, and it makes me happy. Everything makes me happy today! Hurrah!

Right now I’m listening to Fleet Foxes, and my cat really likes it. He was sniffing the speakers, seeming very interested. Well, the cat’s got good taste in music, apparently. He also likes Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros, but as soon as I started singing along he ran away. Huh. Anyway, I’m worried that I’m paying for all this somehow, but it’s probably true to what it claims, that I get like a two day trial for free or whatever. But I don’t care at the moment. I mean, Fleet Foxes! Magnetic Zeros! The Shins! Golly gee, I’m in alternative music heaven. Sigh.

I went to the Zombie Walk on the weekend. There’s no actual zombies, at least, as far as I know. Hmm. But anyway, basically what happens is a couple hundred people dress up and pour fake blood over themselves and walk around moaning and screaming BRAINS! and we walk from one part of the city to the other, and lots of people take pictures of us. I dressed up as a steampunk zombie. I was previously going to upload pictures and stuff but I have little to no patience lately for even trivial tasks, so I can’t make myself upload them all. See, this is why I never did my homework when I was at school. Ain’t got no work ethic, nope.

I feel seriously giddy. Giddy with happiness over good music. I’m listening to Home by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros. I showed George Harrison one of their live performances and he literally could not handle how weird they are. In his defense they are pretty weird– a group of  hippy fellows who seemed to have stumbled straight out of either Burning Man or an abandoned house somewhere. But man, do they make good music.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just take to the road and live out a life as a musician. Maybe all this music is affecting my brain and making me crazy, but doesn’t that sound sort of cool? Just wandering here and there, playing songs, with no responsibility, no place to go, no things to do. I think that’s actually what the Magnetic Zeros do, pretty much. It’s just the problem is, I would never be able to convince George Harrison, who’s in a band with me, to take to the road and be traveling hippies.

Except I WOULD LOVE THAT.

Oh, whatever. One can dream. For now I’ll just have to live a boring mundane existence without the thrill of the open road.

Jeez, somebody get me off the music. Yours as ever somewhat truly,  ~Oncebasementdog.