A Pause For Some Reflections

Thursday, December 27th, 2012

Hi.

My God, is it snowy out there. From my spot on the bedroom floor I can just see the top of a roof, covered in this fluffy layer of white, that looks fake, like a bad Christmas movie. The sky is utterly white. I remember once in grade two or something, the teacher asked us what colors the sky could be. Those unimaginative seven year olds replied, ‘Blue!’ and I said, ‘White!’ And the teacher looked at me and said, ‘No, the sky can’t be white.’

Oh, indeed?

I’m all out of funny. It’s just not there today. I had a panic attack/breakdown over the fact that I haven’t had any exercise at all in the past three or four months, and I need some soon or I’m going to explode. The weird thing is, I remain exactly the same weight, and skinny. How, I ask? It’s relieving to know I can do nothing but eat and play on the computer for three months straight and gain about half a pound– but I mean, I think I’d better start going for walks or something, anyway. I feel desperately out of shape and it turns out I can only jog three blocks in the middle of the night before I get winded and have to stop. Of course, the middle of the night has nothing to do with anything, except that’s just when I jog. I sprint around the block in the silence, with no lights on anywhere and no cars, and that satisfies me, somehow.

I’ve been reflective lately. Really reflective, and I don’t mean like when I go outside I’m shining with reflected sunlight. I mean, I’ve been thinking a lot about things. For one, my evil stepmother got a lot eviller just the other day, and the whole situation’s been bugging me like a worm eating away at an apple– with the apple being my head, and the worm being my stepmother. I can deal with it, but not especially well, it turns out. I managed to get through the flurry of Christmas, drowned as it was in far too many pieces of turkey and so, so many people to interact with– but now that it’s over, and I can fall back into my routine of quietness, it’s all hitting me full force. I just can’t deal with emotional things very well, and every problem I have seems to be entirely emotional.

But the good news is, I got an accordion for Christmas, and it’s like a small piece of heaven dropped onto me. George Harrison, who’s in a band with me, will be extremely annoyed when he finds out. He said we don’t need the accordion in our band.

But don’t we?

(He doesn’t get to decide, heh heh heh.)

So look at it out there. Buried in so much snow. I want to go explore the forest behind our house, but it’s cold, and I’m tired, sleepy, and drained from everything, from my small breakdown and Christmas, and whatever else, all the little problems that add up. I finished a book yesterday and I’m annoyed because it could have been really good but wasn’t. I went to see The Hobbit yesterday with my dad and my uncle and it was incredibly enjoyable– if a little less epic than the Lord of the Rings ones. I miss my dad, I want to go on long walks at night and talk about philosophy and the state of the world with him. My mom’s good for talking with, but I’m almost completely sure she wouldn’t exchange opinions about modern society versus ancient society for an hour straight on a nine o’clock walk around the neighborhood.

I have so much more to say, but I’ll be here all day if I said all of it. It’s kind of refreshing to write a blog post that doesn’t have to be funny, for once. I can hear my cat digging and sniffling at something from downstairs, so I’d better leave and go check on that.

Yours sincerely, (for once), ~Onceabasementdog.

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